My Day with Film (Wednesday, January 4th, 2017)

Wednesday 1/4/17

Dear Diary,

It's now two days after the fact, and I still haven't watched Happy Birthday to Me. I got caught up in yesterday's Blair Witch hysterics, so I ended up watching my begrudgingly purchased Blu-ray with the director's commentary that I had been looking forward to. I rather enjoyed it! Wingard and Barrett share something of an endearingly edgy mood since the film made no money at the box office and was critically reviled. They revealed a handful of secrets without sacrificing the film's entire mystique, which is actually pretty awesome.

Moreover, I didn't realize that Happy Birthday to Me was responsible for this scene:

I've seen this image before but never knew where it came from. I love it because not only is it a unique kill, but it also plays into everyone's latent fear of swallowing a toothpick. 

Or is that just me..?

Anyways, the big story that got my attention today was that Apple is planning a "Theatre Mode" for iPhones and iPads. I'm rather upset that this was pretty much the second or third headline I read this morning because I haven't been able to quit thinking about what an atrocious idea it is, and in turn, my day hasn't been up to snuff. Cell phone use in movie theaters has always irked me. If you can afford to spend your time at a movie, then there is no text message or godforsaken Twitter update so important that it should tear your attention away from the much larger screen in front of you. If an emergency should arise, it should come in the form of a phone call, at which time it is prudent to walk out of the auditorium before answering. If there truly is a text that's so crucial to you that you must take your phone out and risk ruining the experience for everyone else, likewise, take it out into the lobby. Also, the "Silent" and "Do Not Disturb" buttons are your friends. Learn to use them. Please don't be that person whose ringtone blares in the middle of an important scene. It's extremely embarrassing for you and painfully distracting for everyone else.

If Apple includes this feature, it sets another dangerous precedent for exhibitionists who have a tough time as it is trying to pry people away from their couches. This new feature attempts to normalize aberrant behavior that, by its very nature, devalues the theatrical experience. In all seriousness, why would I continue to drop $10-15 just to watch people with no attention span or respect for art or creativity use their phones for two hours? It truly is that distracting. I pray to the cinema gods that Cincinnati gets an Alamo Drafthouse, where they have a stringent zero-tolerance policy on phone use. Now I hate to be so harsh as to say "Take it outside, shut it off, or don't come at all" because I normally encourage everyone to see as many movies as possible regardless of how good or bad they are. But there is no place for cell phone use inside a movie theater while the film is playing. If you can afford to be there, you can afford to turn your phone off. 

Okay, rant over for now. I've got Happy Birthday to Me on finally. 

Until tomorrow, 

BC

My Day with Film (Tuesday, January 3rd, 2017)

Tuesday 1/3/17

Dear Diary,

It's been a hot minute since I've written. Christmas is big in my house, and then we left town the next day to visit family in Pennsylvania. After returning home it was nice to just sloth around for a few days, but now it's a new year packed with fresh opportunities for success! As some idiot said, "It's gonna be 'uge."

Okay, well, the first thing I want to get off my chest is my frustration with "rental copies" of home media. I mean, I suppose I understand the logic behind "rental copies." If you were given all the content with a $2 rental, literally nobody would ever buy movies for their personal collection ever again. Warehouses would be piled floor to ceiling with unsold Blu-rays. I get it, but that doesn't make it any less shitty for the consumer looking to save a buck.

I went down to Redbox today to pick up the piss-poor rehash of Blair Witch. That movie is such a letdown, but when I heard that Adam Wingard and Simon Barrett were doing a commentary and an hour of featurettes, my curiosity was piqued. Wingard and Barrett are known for putting together stellar supplemental material for their films, and with so many secrets and mysteries left unresolved in the film, I had to get my hands on the Blu-ray in order to gain some sense of closure. I step up to the kiosk, hand over my $2 plus tax, and head home to my player just to make sure the bonuses are there and that I don't have to spend full-price to get the closure I so desperately have been seeking.

Imagine my frustration when I scroll through the menu to "Special Features," and all that's listed is a collection of trailers marked "Also from Lionsgate" and a tab for "Bookmarks," which are spots in the film that you can mark and go back to at any time without scrubbing through scene selections. Futility be damned, I cursed Lionsgate in that moment. "Now I have to go spend my hard-earned money on your garbage film because I care too much about movies and figuring out the end of the story," I thought to myself. It comes as little consolation that Target is currently running a 15% off coupon through their Cartwheel mobile app, which I highly encourage everyone to download.

Seriously, do not go shopping at Target again until you download Cartwheel. It will change your life.

So now I have Blair Witch on my shelf. I didn't want it to be this way. I could've spent the money on the far-superior Ouija: Origin of Evil in a couple weeks, yet here we are. I'm sure I'll have some thoughts on the bonus material later this week after I watch everything. Don't let me down again, Wingard! 

Lastly, Dr. Hollyfield recommended I watch Happy Birthday to Me in honor of my birthday yesterday. It's available on Shudder, so I'll be watching that tonight. 

Until next time,

BC

"Blair Witch" Review

It has been 17 years since The Blair Witch Project revolutionized the horror genre with its slow-burning mythos and micro-budget "found footage" cinematography. Up until this July's Comic-Con event in San Diego, director Adam Wingard and writer Simon Barrett (both of You're Next and The Guest fame) were thought to have made a new feature titled The Woods. Superlatives on the teasers billed it as "the scariest movie ever made" and "a gamechanger" for the horror genre. At the Comic-Con screening, Wingard and Barrett officially revealed that The Woods is actually Blair Witch, a continuation of the original 1999 cult classic.

After seeing the new film for myself, Blair Witch is to The Blair Witch Project as The Force Awakens is to the original Star Wars - enjoyable, but overall an all-too-familiar rehash with a bigger budget and better special effects. If Daniel Myrick and Eduardo Sanchez had studio backing 17 years ago, this is exactly the film they would've made.

The plot is essentially the exact same as before. Fans will recall Heather, Josh and Mike being lost and presumed dead following the events in the Black Hills woods near Burkittsville, Maryland in October 1994. As lore has it, their footage was recovered and released circa 1998-99. Flash forward almost 20 years. Heather's younger brother James (James Allen McCune) comes across a YouTube video which allegedly sheds light on the Blair Witch legend and the events of 1994. James is convinced that Heather is in that clip. He decides to head to Burkittsville in order to find answers. In tow are his friends Peter (Brandon Scott), Ashley (Corbin Reid), and Lisa (Callie Hernandez) - who, as fate would have it, needs a subject for her college documentary assignment. Armed with body cameras, walkie-talkies, DSLRs, and a drone, the group ventures into the cursed woods completely unprepared for what awaits them.

This new Blair Witch is a bit of a challenge to dissect. I feel as though my thoughts are split completely down the middle. On one hand, it's well performed and still feels like the living nightmare of your friends, siblings and neighbors. The film also ups the scare quotient significantly compared to its predecessor. A lot more wild and terrifying stuff happens to the group this time around thanks to Wingard's command of atmosphere. He toys with our fear of the dark in an even more convincing fashion than this year's other genre standouts Don't Breathe and Lights Out. It just upsets me so much that, on the other hand, the movie seems to betray everything that made The Blair Witch Project a classic. Where the original relished in subtle, slow-building tension, Blair Witch 2016 may as well smack you over the head with a sledgehammer. This is a "found footage" film that leans heavily on ear-shattering sound design, oddly placed musical cues, and random jump scares throughout most of its 90-minute run time. It isn't until the last 20-30 minutes when the most frightening and suspenseful material comes to light. Even then, Blair Witch leaves far less to the imagination than before, and I despise it for that. Its payoff also feels woefully familiar while positing more questions than answers. I smell a "new"-ish multi-million dollar studio franchise.

It's extremely difficult to avoid measuring this new film against the original. That often comes with the reboot/sequel territory. On its own merits, Blair Witch is as decent a "found footage" feature as we've seen in quite some time. Thank God the trend seems to finally be losing steam. It remains a generally solid chiller that should serve horror fans well during this upcoming Halloween season. However, I think this will be one of the most polarizing movies in years. Some audiences are going to adore it, others will easily loathe it. (A few folks even walked out of the screening I attended.) If you're okay with a Blair Witch movie that's well-acted, well-directed, well-paced, and terrifying, yet completely unsubtle and oftentimes tragically familiar, then this film comes recommended to you.

B-