"Movie 43" Review

As the film's tagline states, "Once you see it, you can't unsee it." But boy, do I wish I could.

Movie 43 is about a crazed writer (Dennis Quaid) who pitches his movie idea to a studio executive (Greg Kinnear). The pitch is presented as a variety of comedic short films that expand across multiple plot lines, each with different characters.

I remember seeing ads for this movie and thinking they looked funny. They reminded me of something I'd probably watch in middle school. Loads of humor starring just about every famous actor working in Hollywood today. What could possibly go wrong?

As it turns out, lots. Movie 43 is skin-crawling, awkward, and just plain terrible. The humor is so disgusting and over-the-top that it's nearly impossible to laugh. I'm shocked that major players like Hugh Jackman, Kate Winslet, Emma Stone, Gerard Butler, and Halle Berry were coaxed into doing a low-brow movie like this. It's uncharacteristic for everyone involved from the cast to its twelve directors, many of whom have solid credits to their name like Brett Ratner, Steven Brill, James Gunn, Peter Farrelly, and Steve Carr. You know things are bad when Sean William Scott and Johnny Knoxville star in a segment together, and you feel like even these two blockheads can do better.

The only scene that's really hysterical is a segment that features Jason Sudeikis as Batman and Justin Long as Robin. There are a host of other names who make appearances as superheroes, and it's a riot to see them parody such popular characters. Otherwise, Movie 43 is excruciating to watch from top to bottom. There were times where I honestly felt like walking out and asking for my money back. Hugh Jackman with a pair of testicles hanging from his chin? A masturbating cartoon cat? A naked woman used as an MP3 player? A man who has to defecate so badly that he literally explodes when struck by a car? I mean, come on, really? Oscar-caliber actors stooping to this level? It's disheartening, sad, and darn near unwatchable.
It's also the thinnest excuse of an interconnecting plot that I've ever seen. None of the characters in the segments acknowledge each other. Nobody seems to be within the same universe. There's no resolution that brings all the characters together. It's just multiple 10-15 minute short stories all strung together by a stupid plot featuring Dennis Quaid, Greg Kinnear, Common, and Seth MacFarlane. I think this marks the first time I've heard MacFarlane open his mouth and not found myself laughing hysterically. He's given nothing funny to say, and he's only in the movie for about a minute. Low humor is this man's forte, and he's got nothing to show for it in Movie 43.

Also I'd like to add that I don't really consider myself a spoken advocate of many causes, but I have a problem with the way Movie 43 objectifies women, Asians, and African Americans. The iBabe music player, an Englishman getting facial reconstructive surgery in order to look Chinese, and an offensive take on the underdog basketball team story all prove to be too much. I imagine Movie 43 feels an awful lot like looking for hay in a needle stack. Painful jabs from beginning to end with very little solace to be found. It's still early, but this film makes a strong case for the worst of 2013.

1/2 OF 4 STARS