"X-Men: Apocalypse" Review

WARNING: This post may contain spoilers... unless you've seen an X-Men movie before.

Bryan Singer returns to bring us the third film in the X-Men: First Class trilogy; a film which, in title alone, promises to be the biggest X-Movie yet. And with the promise of so many fresh faces, surely X-Men: Apocalypse would be something special, right?

Right???

Wrong.

X-Men: Apocalypse is the biggest cinematic letdown of the year so far. It isn't entirely devoid of all merit, but the shocking lack of both action and stakes, as well as an empty blowhard of a villain, make this a middle-of-the-road superhero movie and easily the most underwhelming X-Men film since X-Men Origins: Wolverine. 

Seeming to backtrack once again from the ending of Days of Future Past, X-Men: Apocalypse takes place in the mid-1980s, so one can't help but wonder why Patrick Stewart never went back to warn James McAvoy that they'd eventually be pitted against an Egyptian god capable of decimating the entire world with little effort. The story here is that the world's first mutant, En Sabah Nur a.k.a. "Apocalypse" (Oscar Isaac), awakens after being preserved underground for 5,000 years. Back then, the Egyptians worshiped him because of his abilities. In the '80s, he comes to find that too much has changed, including the fact that nobody worships him anymore. To him, the only logical thing to do is cleanse the earth of mankind and "build a better world" where everyone will kneel to the might of En Sabah Nur and his "four horsemen." Since Pestilence, War, Famine and Death are no longer by his side, he recruits powerful mutants like Storm (Alexandra Shipp), Angel (Ben Hardy), Psylocke (Olivia Munn) and Magneto (Michael Fassbender). From here, Apocalypse can be seen preening for the rest of the movie. On the other side of the coin, the X-Men have some bushy-tailed recruits of their own, including Cyclops (Tye Sheridan), Nightcrawler (Kodi Smit-McPhee), Jean Grey (Sophie Turner) and Quicksilver (Evan Peters). They join mainstays Professor X (McAvoy), Beast (Nicholas Hoult) and Mystique (Jennifer Lawrence) in an effort to prevent yet another extinction-level event.

This is pretty standard superhero formula, and the script by Simon Kinberg (responsible for two different ends of the X-spectrum, including X-Men: The Last Stand and X-Men: Days of Future Past) does precious little to deviate from that. That said, Magneto gets a bit of a fresh facelift as we pick up with him trying to live a normal, peaceful life in Poland. He has a wife, daughter, and steady job as a metalworker of all things. Fassbender gives another committed performance and has one of the best scenes in the entire franchise when Erik faces the consequences of revealing his powers during a workplace accident that would've killed a man without his help.

For the most part, however, nobody else in the cast is given strong material to work with. The performances aren't awful; there's just nothing here to make anybody in particular stand out. This is an ensemble packed with loads of exciting talent, and it will be awesome to see future installments with this cast. But there was nothing here that made me go "Man, I LOVED ______ ! I can't wait to see more of him/her in the next one!" Sure, Quicksilver gets a couple more great time-freezing sequences but nothing that lives up to the one in the Pentagon kitchen in DoFP. I will say that it would be ill-advised NOT to use Munn's Psylocke in a Deadpool sequel since she's basically Wade Wilson's female counterpart. She hardly gets to do anything in this movie anyway, so using her elsewhere might bring the fulfillment that fans (and the character) deserve. Perhaps more devastating than the actual apocalypse itself is the fact that Oscar Isaac's talents are essentially reduced to rubble along with everything else. En Sabah Nur, a guy who's supposed to single-handedly wipe everything out, ultimately does nothing with it. He destroys Cairo, and part of New York City, and sends the world's nuclear payloads to outer space, but in the grand scheme of things, he accomplishes literally nothing aside from getting a few mutants to listen to his incessant monologuing about how the world will soon fall and rise again in his image. Isaac could've made him an intriguing character, but it seems Kinberg failed to write him that way. We get no sense of stakes with his "evil" plan, and there's barely a shred of evolution for any of the characters. For the ones that do really change like Magneto, who actually makes an effort at a normal life, it feels like we've seen it all before. Characters like Magneto, Mystique and Professor X have shown shreds of various characteristics, both good and bad, in these movies for years now. So when Mystique takes on a role as a leader of the X-Men, Magneto flip-flops from good to bad to good yet again, and Storm moves to the good guys' side, it doesn't really feel like anything new.

The last major disappointment here is that the film suffers from Star Wars prequel syndrome - too much talking, not enough "doing." If Singer, Kinberg, and apparently Apocalypse himself had their way, humanity would end simply by talking everyone to death. There is one cool action scene mid-way through that doubles as an exciting cameo, and then there's the climactic fight scene which lasts maybe 10 minutes. That's it. Something isn't right if the X-Men are supposed to be facing their single biggest villain yet, and it all blows over like a dusty fart.

X-Men: Apocalypse earns a couple points for at least doing something interesting with Magneto and for Michael Fassbender acting the shit out of it. There are a handful of fun character moments, but that doesn't make up for a rote villain and a story with no sense of stakes or purpose. You should know already if you're going to see this movie or not, but my recommendation falls at the lower end of "average."

C-

"Captain America: Civil War" Review

This is it. The superhero film you've been waiting for is finally here.... for the most part.

Captain America: Civil War lacks the cohesiveness of its direct predecessor but still manages to be one of Marvel's better films to date. Now overseers of the franchise, writers Chris Markus and Stephen McFeely (along with sibling directors Anthony & Joe Russo) weave a yarn that proves they understand how to make all these characters work inside of the same 2.5-hour run time. Joss Whedon proved it could be done in the first Avengers movie, and now that he's moved on, the Russos have crafted a more urgent Avengers sequel than Age of Ultron.

At the end of the last movie, the Avengers lineup looked a bit different. As such, Cap (Chris Evans) appears to have led these "New Avengers" on several missions between the end of Age of Ultron and the start of Civil War. It appears the core lineup is now Cap, Black Widow (Scarlett Johansson), Scarlet Witch (Elizabeth Olsen), the Vision (Paul Bettany), and Falcon (Anthony Mackie) with Iron Man (Robert Downey, Jr.) and War Machine (Don Cheadle) joining in occasionally.

We pick up with the team in Lagos where they appear hot on the trail of Crossbones (Frank Grillo), one of Cap's classic nemeses from the comic books who was teased towards the end of Winter Soldier. During the operation, Scarlet Witch makes a foolhardy move that accidentally claims the lives of several innocent civilians (although, to this reviewer, the Avengers have appeared to do far worse damage before). This act proves to be the final straw to the United States government who feel some type of way about having their team of super-powered operatives making a mess of the entire world (see just about every "phase two" MCU film). The "Sokovia Accords" are passed as legislation requiring all super-humans to register with the United Nations or face retirement. This divides the Avengers in two, with #TeamIronMan in favor of the new law and #TeamCap looking to continue operating without oversight in order to eradicate evil wherever it may lurk rather than where the UN says it does. The greatest superhero clash in the history of movies ensues.

Although this reviewer is part of the minority which enjoyed the hell out of Batman v Superman, Marvel's superhero battle is every bit as satisfying as one could hope. Those disappointed in the marquee fight in DC's movie should be pleased with Civil War. Although it'd be great if the MCU films took a cue from their Netflix counterparts and gave the stunt choreography more room to breathe, a few sequences here aren't entirely masked by quick cuts and camera movement. The "money" fight scenes look incredible and contain some of the hardest-hitting action of the franchise. That said, it never gets quite as brutal as Daredevil or Jessica Jones.

By now, fans are eagerly anticipating the arrivals of Black Panther (Chadwick Boseman) and Spider-Man (Tom Holland). Rest assured, they are both perfect. Civil War left me wanting to watch Ryan Coogler's Black Panther solo movie immediately, while our now-third cinematic Spider-Man proves to be the most comics-accurate of the bunch. If you originally balked at the idea of yet another rebooted Spider-Man, wait until you see Civil War. This is the breath of fresh air we never knew the franchise needed.

So, what's wrong with all of this? Well, Civil War just has so many important characters to stuff into each scenario that it just ends up feeling like a more bloated version of Winter Soldier. This is, by and large, a Captain America movie in which the real emotional conflict can be nailed down to Cap's ongoing struggle to bring his pal Bucky / the "Winter Soldier" (Sebastian Stan) "back to the land of the living," as they say. Enter Iron Man on the other side of the aisle, and you have an interesting exploration of the costs of friendship and brotherhood. Basically, this is what you get when you explore indie-film themes with a $200 million budget.

In the end, Civil War doesn't quite shake things up for the MCU like Winter Soldier did. For that, the film comes off as a bit of a disappointment. It's a worthwhile journey despite feeling fundamentally like another stepping stone. Still, these characters are great, the performances are stellar, and the action is as satisfying as billed. Though it may not be the perfect "savior" for the genre that some are saying, Captain America: Civil War demands your attention. Not to be missed.

B+

"Criminal" Review

All your favorite supporting characters from all your favorite superhero movies unite for a different brand of "Justice." Or "Avenging" if that's your thing.

Kevin Costner (Jonathan Kent in Man of Steel), Gary Oldman (Commissioner Gordon in The Dark Knight trilogy), Tommy Lee Jones (Two-Face in Batman Forever, Col. Chester Phillips in Captain America: The First Avenger), Gal Gadot (Wonder Woman in Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice) and Ryan Reynolds (the title character in both Deadpool and Green Lantern) star in Criminal, a new film from director Ariel Vromen (The Iceman).

Costner plays the violent criminal Jericho Stewart who is recruited by Quaker Wells (Oldman) and the CIA for an experimental brain operation. This operation, headed by Dr. Franks (Jones), would transplant the memories and knowledge of deceased undercover agent Billy Pope (Reynolds) into a fresh body capable of recalling the classified information inside Pope's mind. The CIA needs it to finish the mission Billy started. Jericho seems like a good candidate because nobody would care if he died in the process.

At first, Jericho has some hilariously awkward encounters as he comes into his own following his release from prison. Things get a bit more serious as he starts to recall everything about Billy's professional and personal life. The stakes rise as he reaches out to Billy's wife Jill (Gadot) and the couple's young daughter. To save them, Jericho must complete Billy's mission at all costs.

Immediately after seeing Criminal, my first thought was how much I loved the fact that the film hearkens back to the "everyman action hero" movies of the 1980s and '90s. A name like "Jericho Stewart" belongs right alongside the likes of Snake Plissken, Jack Burton, Richard Kimble and John McClane. Also, Criminal isn't entirely self-serious. There are loads of lighthearted moments peppered throughout that use Jericho as a catalyst for sometimes unexpectedly big laughs. This is not a comedy film by any means; just a decent script that narrowly avoids being too dour. Many should find that refreshing after the relentlessly brooding tone of Batman v Superman. Costner is more than up for the challenge of delivering a consistent performance regardless of which scene he's in, whether it's played for laughs, intimate human drama or the thrills of a big set piece.

Among the supporting players, Gadot stands out as Jill. While some may interpret her scenes with Costner as melodramatic, Gadot shows a bit of nuanced restraint that makes her character easy to empathize with even before things really hit the fan. Easily her best performance yet, and if this is any indication, we should all be entirely sold on next year's Wonder Woman.

If for nothing else, Criminal deserves a recommendation as an occasionally silly but endlessly entertaining R-rated action movie that's well-and-truly made for grown-ups. Comic book aficionados need not necessarily apply. That alone ought to be refreshing for anybody.

B+

"Hardcore Henry" Review

You may remember a number of years back a pair of music videos that appeared on YouTube for a band called Biting Elbows. These two videos - "The Stampede" and "Bad Motherfucker" - were filmed from a first-person perspective and involved the main character leaping, chasing, punching and shooting his way through suited bad guys. "The Stampede" happened in an office building, and then "Bad Motherfucker" took the action all across a grungy cityscape.

After demonstrating their skills on YouTube, Russian-American filmmaker Ilya Naishuller and producer Timur Bekmambetov (Wanted) thought it'd be a fun idea to make a feature-length action picture filmed entirely from the first-person point of view. So Naishuller strapped some GoPro Hero 3 cameras to a rig worn around one's head like a mask and set to work on Hardcore Henry.

In Hardcore Henry, the titular hero awakens with no memory as he is reassembled from bionic parts by his wife Estelle (Haley Bennett). After a warlord (Danila Kozlovsky) attacks Estelle's lab, Henry sets out to rediscover his identity and to rescue his wife before an army of bionic soldiers is unleashed on the world. Helping Henry along the way is Jimmy (Sharlto Copley, in a delightfully bonkers turn), a cripple who uses various bionic copies of himself to prepare for any situation. There's ghillie suit Jimmy, punk-rock Jimmy, RAF Jimmy, cokehead playboy Jimmy, hobo Jimmy, and secret agent Jimmy just to name a few.

The warlord Akan (Kozlovsky) throws all the bad guys he can at Henry and Jimmy (quite literally in a rooftop fight sequence set to Queen's "Don't Stop Me Now"), and in the process makes for non-stop bloody mayhem as you've never seen it before this side of Call of Duty.

Endlessly exciting and deliriously unpretentious, I could never look away from Hardcore Henry. The gimmicky visuals worked. Somehow, the migraine never set in. Those especially accustomed to first-person shooter video games should be fine.

At one point during production, someone advised Naishuller that they should include a health bar and ammo HUD (heads-up display) on-screen at all times as a joke to gamers. Wisely, Naishuller declined to let the gimmick go quite that far. Hardcore Henry remains a fun, mindless little movie, and if it had included a HUD, I probably would've brought an Xbox controller to the theater. As much as companies like Microsoft want to close the gap between film, television and video games, I prefer at least a shred of differentiation.

The biggest negatives to take away here are that the story is rather weak, and character development is slim-to-none. Akan is a nasty villain, but the first-person gimmick doesn't allow us to explore his character at all. The most well-developed character is Jimmy, and it's not even his movie. The narrative doesn't answer enough of its own questions and seems content to serve as a thin excuse to string together action sequences. The ending is abrupt, yet just cynical and funny enough to be satisfying. That said, I don't think anyone will be clamoring for Hardcore Henry 2.

Those looking for an action movie that breaks the mold should find some satisfaction in Hardcore Henry. Though the plot may be thin, the first-person gimmick, breathless action sequences, and "Looney Tunes"-sense of humor make for a fun time.

B-

"London Has Fallen" Review

Gerard Butler returns to fight off the brown people once again in London Has Fallen, the sequel nobody asked for to the 2013 B-movie that wasn't quite as godawful as expected - Olympus Has Fallen. 

London sees President Benjamin Asher (Aaron Eckhart) attending the Prime Minister's state funeral in the English capitol. Along for the trip is President Asher's top Secret Service man Mike Banning (Butler). What first appears to be an idyllic day quickly devolves into bloodshed and tragedy as a covert terrorist organization executes a master plan to assassinate every world leader in attendance at the funeral. Stranded with no communication and very few resources, Banning and Asher do everything they can to stay alive while also striking back against those responsible.

Featuring mindless violence, tacky special effects, and cornball acting, there's no discernible reason why London should have been anything other than a straight-to-DVD release, let alone made in the first place. As Butler pops headshots and grumbles that the mean brown people should all crawl back to "Fuckheadistan," it becomes clear what kind of audience this was made for:

Red-blooded 'Muricans.

Donald Drumpf supporters

Fans of unintelligible, incoherent filmmaking will love London. Less discerning viewers may also fail to see the movie's blatant xenophobic message. Standing over a slew of dead brown bodies, at one point Banning actually utters to the president that "every one of these guys is a terrorist until proven otherwise." Yeah, right. Take one guess as to who gets to play judge, jury and executioner in this case.

Adding a perplexing degree of irony, if nothing else, to this heap is the fact that the director is an Iranian refugee. Babak Najafi replaces Antoine Fuqua as the helmer of a film in which hundreds of his own people are made out to be slaughtered in the name of the Red, White and Blue. My question is "why agree to make such a movie?" The fact that the film is just not well-crafted to begin with - plus the jingoism and xenophobia - is enough to question Najafi's credibility as a filmmaker. (Olympus was at least technically competent, if not necessarily a "good" movie.) These are messages and larger issues that deserve to be discussed and explored perhaps by more subtle hands.

Even if you think you're a fan of mindless action films, please stay away from London Has Fallen.

F